cry, build a bridge, and get over it

Guys play mind games.

Simple as that.  There is nothing we can do about it.

What is this post about you ask?  Well a few months ago(I believe it was Sept timeframe) I met a really great guy and hit it off...or so I thought.  He kissed me the first night we met and talked all night...by the riverside which as a Pisces I'm a total mushy girl and this song I would play constantly afterwards.

After that night he wanted me to spend time with him so I thought "him and I are going through the same thing...i.e. divorce so what the hell right?"  So we spent almost every weekend together and even spent the night at his house.  He would text me to see if I was doing ok and how his new job was and just everything. 

I would not hear from him again for a couple weeks and it happened every so often and I would literally dream about him the night before he would text or call...don't ask me why but it always happened.  He wanted me to go to breakfast with him last week so I was like "ok".  This was after I didn't hear from him for awhile.  I go and he brings his friend and his wife, no big deal.  The problem I had was that he ignored me the entire time then when we left he just said "take it easy" and got in his car.

Wow. Was all I had to say about that.

So he texts me today(I dreamt about him last night) and asks me if I was pissed at him...I said "yeah, kinda" and he asks me why.  I tell him why and he apologized.  I told him I realized that I was his rebound, he denies it then decides to tell me he doesn't see himself dating me which in turn I translated it to "I don't see myself dating someone like you"

Then it hit me.

Someone like me...oh you mean the chubby girl that you never would imagine dating, the one who you just see as friends and maybe someone you can use if you need some lovin?  Thats exactly how I was treated these past 3 months and I was too dumb to see just like the last 11 years I was with my ex.

Me in Jr. High..was not popular with the guys!

High School...yeah..you get my point.

So just his comment to me brought me back to those times where I was harassed, tormented, was told "you'll never get a guy".  I understand thats not what he wanted me to think but when you are in a chubby girl's shoes you'll see exactly why I thought this.

Why am I wasting my time even writing this post?  Because I'm angry that I'm so upset over this.  I shouldn't be, I should just put on my big girl panties and deal with it but I haven't.  I go over the times and all the deep conversations we had and it pisses me off because it takes me back to times with my guy friends that I wanted to be "more than friends" with.

Later...not sure when...I'll talk about my school age years and why it really lead to this blog post. 

Until then...